God Status: Reduced

Yesterday was Buff Billy Mays' birthday, and for that occasion he shaved his beard and he and Squirrel bought themselves a set of matching scooters and a stereo and speaker setup for the box.  That didn't mean shit to me, other than it made me reflect on poor decisions I made in my youth. My fashion sense was regrettable, my bold idea to get a job in the mountains after college instead of pursuing a defined career tract seems to have played out predictably.  However, my foremost inner dialogue was how much I regretted ever associating with that old friend of mine who introduced me to CrossFit, as the workout would pretty much consist of nothing but burpees and wall ball, capped off with a 400m run.  That, in and of itself, is not that forboding, but given the fact that I had been drastically overserved the night before the idea of flopping my face into the mat time after time had me considering going to take a puke before the workout to get it over with.

We warmed up with 3 sets of 250m rows and 20 air squats.  I'm not sure if it was last night's booze talking, or if I had just become complacent with easy workouts, but that warmup seemed a bit more arduous than those prior.  

I didn't have much time to contemplate that idea as BBF gathered us all around to show us the art of the burpee.  As there's not a lot of technique to be demonstrated, he showed us a couple and had us rattle of 20.  It had been awhile since I had done 20 consecutive burpees and it didn't not hurt.

He then showed us the wall ball, which is basically taking a squat with a medicine ball and throwing it into the air as you come up and try to hit a target at about 10-12 feet up a wall.  If you don't hit the target the rep doesn't count.  After awhile hitting that target proves to get pretty difficult.

Just like that, it was time to start the workout.  It consisted of 5 rounds of 7.  Seven wall balls, 7 burpees, and 7 squats with the medicine ball, followed by a 400m run out in the cold.

This was something I definitely looking to get over with quickly, so I rattled of the first two sets with a quickness.  I had to take a breather or two after that to gather enough strength to get the 20 lb. ball up to the target (and also to stifle the pukes during the burpees).  

After finishing off my 5th set I was struck by the unfamiliar feeling of not being the first to finish.  There is a broad who is apparently a cop, and in pretty good shape who got out the door just before me.  Shit, bitch can run like the wind too.  Though I was never really motivated to "beat" people (especially at the last box where I was consistently beaten by the fat, old and infirm) my recent history of domination had stroked my pride a little.

Had I not been wheezing the fat kid in P.E., I probably would have appreciated the irony of being in a foot pursuit with a cop where I was not the naked guy being pursued.  It's a good thing too, because she totally would have caught my sweet, naked ass.

Ultimately, I couldn't catch up over the 400m and finished two seconds behind her.  No longer with the Trolls be in awe of my physical fitness now that I've been dethroned.  I took a little bit of solace in the fact that I managed to not puke, but ultimately I was disappointed in my performance.

Speaking of performance, I suppose I should talk discernible results. I've been doing CrossFit and/or working out on my own as well as adhering to the paleo diet for about 75 days now.  I've never been one to weigh myself, but I know I weighed 215 at a doctor's appointment in October and I'm at about 195 now.  I have a higher energy level and I feel less like a lump of shit (progress!). I had to go buy myself some new pants today that better flatter my shapely ass.  I definitely feel as though I've made a positive lifestyle switch, and developed it into a habit.  I think I'm singlehandedly responsible for the slaughter of 20% more pigs, but I'm cool with that, as long as someone cures those damn pork sides.